Moving On and Focusing on Health

Three weeks ago from yesterday I found out I had miscarried and life’s been a series of ups and downs since then – but I’m happy to say, that despite the circumstances – it’s been mostly UPs. This event has reinforced my belief that everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that could happen to me. And that attitude is everything. The news was shocking and sad and tough to deal with here and there, and I let myself grieve as I needed to, but there’s no rule saying you have to be devastated and miserable all the time.

I actually did so well that I had many people not believe me when they’d see me after finding out the news… they’d give me the side-eye waiting for me to crack or lose my mind. When I didn’t, some thought I was in denial. No… I just don’t believe you can’t be sad and happy at the same time. We’re more complex beings than that. I did go through a week where I got the impression from others’ reactions that my own emotional response to MY circumstances wasn’t appropriate somehow [not directly or on-purpose by anyone in particular], which was a really strange feeling. I just decided it wasn’t my problem if others felt worse about my situation than I did.

Counting Calories at Week 10…

Still on track, though my weightloss has slowed a bit due to the holidays and all the eating out. I’m happy to say I’m still losing – not GAINING – through this year’s season! I’ve lost enough weight now that a lot of people are coming forward and saying something to me [or to others about me] – people I see every day at work, family members, friends, even people I see periodically, like the girl that does my laser hair removal treatments [underarms – I hate shaving them. My gift to myself!]. Now everyone is asking me ‘what’s your secret!!??” Most people’s face falls when I tell them hard work, exercise and counting calories. A lot of people, at one time myself included, want to hear about a magic pill or diet. But  here are a few that are impressed and inspired when I tell them what I’m doing. It really isn’t hard anymore, it just takes consistent work, but once it becomes part of your life, it’s the same as brushing your teeth before bed or balancing your checkbook – necessary, but also beneficial.

To date, I’ve lost 45 lbs! I’m about halfway to my goal now. I started out at 255lbs. I’m now 210lbs and for some reason, no longer embarrassed to say what my weight actually is. Most people don’t believe me when I tell them my weight now. I’m tall [5’7″] and I do have an athletic frame, so I tend to run heavy anyway. I’d like to get to 170lbs and then decide if I need to lose more or not, but I think that’s a good intial goal to have. That’s what I weighed the end of highschool and I was a size 10. I can probably go lower – 148-155, but I’m not sure I want to go too low with the body fat. I have no desire to look like a skinned rabit, or look 10 years older than I am because there’s no fat left on my face to fill in the ‘cracks’. lol… I’m still taking it one step at a time, one day at a time.

I’m also happy to say that I’m now a real size 14 and my days of shopping at the ‘big girl’ store are behind me. I can buy regular clothes in regular sizes, which has been so much fun. I always thought I hated shopping. Nope. I just hated shopping when nothing looked good on me. Now, it’s dangerous already! I started out at a stretchy 18 – if I was honest with myself at the time, I was probably more like a 20 or a 22, but I couldn’t bring myself to buy anything that went beyond 18, so I’d stuff myself into jeans and I’d have horrendous ‘muffin top’. I was so wrapped up in the numbers. Not anymore. I have a dress I bought last year that’s a size 18 – it finally fits me now and looks great and the size doesn’t bother me. It’s just cut differently from the majority of brands and styles I tend to buy – no biggie. The only problem is, it’s a very lightweight dress that’s more suited to Spring or Summer, so by then it’ll probably be too big and I’ll never get a single use out of it. Unless we go to Florida in the next month or two to visit my mother – then I’ll bring it with me and wear it one night when we go out for dinner.  =)

I’m still using my body bugg – without it, I’d be lost. It really has made the difference for me – a person that had no concept of calories or potion size – or how much I was eating on a daily basis, for that matter. I never wanted to count calories because it never made any sense to me – why count what goes in if you have no idea what you’re burning? Now I know what I’m burning, and it’s made it not only easy, but it motivates me to stick within a certain calorie range so that I stick to a certain calorie burn each day. I shoot to create a calorie deficit of between 1,000-1,250 calories a day. Most days I make it, here and there I don’t, but I always burn more than I consume – even if it’s only by 250 calories.

Now that I’ve been doing this for a while [I started using the body bugg and tracking my calories on 9/27], I also know my body’s cycle, so fluctuations on the scale don’t freak me out. Take today, for instance. I’m about to get my “.” any minute now and I’m up 2lbs from yesterday. I know I’ll hang on to that 2 extra lbs until my “.” is over, and then I’ll drop the 2 lbs over night, and the next day or two I’ll drop 2 more lbs.. My body is funny like that. But it’s okay because overall I’m still losing 1-2lbs per week, which is a good pace for me. In 9 weeks I’ve lost 18 lbs. Woo-hoo! If I can stick to this pace I’l be at my goal weight in the Spring and if I want to keep going, I’ll get to what I call my ‘ultimate weight’ in the summer – in time for our Anniversary in September. The last 2 years we went to Bermuda that week. I’m already dreaming of the cute sundresses and bikinis I’m going to wear next time.  =)

I still have plenty of room for improvement, though. Once the holidays are over I do need to refocus and start getting more of the sugar out of my diet. I live within my calories, but not all calories are equal. My New Year’s resolution will be to clean up my diet and finally ditch the ‘white stuff’ – refined sugar & flour. I still eat a lot of chocolate and I rely on a lot of bars – they’re all natural, but they also have a decent amount of calories and because of that I tend ot eat less fruits and veggies that I otherwise would. I also need to get back to planning my meals better so I maximize my fresh groceries.

I’m still bouncing away on my ball when I watch TV which is both the gift and the curse – it’s a gift because it makes it easy to hit my calorie target for the day, but the curse because it also gives me an out to be lazy and skip a workout BECAUSE I can still hit my target as long as I watch TV on my ball. lol… I need to get back to working out in the mornings again, so that if I feel like skipping an evening workout, it’s not so bad. Or if I feel like just relaxing on the couch or reading, I wont’ miss hitting my target because I hadn’t exercised yet.

Anyway… I know that if I can tweak and tune up my routine, I can increase my weightloss from 1-2lbs per week to 2-3lbs per week, which would be great, but I also think I’ll feel that much better, too. I’m going to be 36 in February – but I feel like I’m going on 16 physically. It’s hard ot believe how old and tired I felt just 2 years ago. I was 34 going on 64 with all my aches and pains, fatigue, shortness of breath when I’d go up some stairs. It was horrible. I could never go back to feeling that way…

The most interesting thing for me now is, when I reach one of my smaller goals – whether it’s hitting a target on the scale, or fitting into an old pair of jeans or a dress, it’s great, but not a big deal. Because I know I’m not stopping here, I’ve got more to do, so if some old piece of clothing fits, but I know I won’t wear it because it’s out of style or not the best quality [because I bought it YEARS ago and it never fit and I always hung onto it hoping it would some day], I just donate it right away and look for the next ‘benchmark’ to shoot for. I’m running out of them, though – I have nothing below a size 12 anymore so once all my old size 12 clothes fit, I’ll have to start buying 10s and 8s to have something to work toward. I actually bought a pair of size 12 jeans last week, and because they have a more than usual amount of stretch to them, they fit me pretty nicely – snug, but not tight. I knew they would because I have the 14s in the same style and they’re already too big in the waste and I have to wear a belt with them. Ironically the black version fo the same jeans in a 14 are still snug – they hardly have any stretch to them, but they’re definitely wearable. If I had a choice, I’d never buy anything stretchy ever again. Not only do they lose their shape too easily, but the also make it too easy to fool yourself into thinking your’e not gaining weight right away. Kind of like not updating your checkbook for a while. You think you’re good until you finally check it and realize you’re broke!

Since my last batch of measurements I’ve lost another 1/2-inch off my chest and off my calves, but the rest are the same. Though my middle is smaller, it isn’t around my waist or hips where I actually measure. It’s almost like the areas above and below my waist are shrinking and tightening up, but I wont’ see a change in my waist measurement until it becomes one, cohesive unit again. lol… I almost don’t have ‘rolls’ anymore and my tummy is ‘this close’ to being flat – still a bit thick, but I’ll take it!

Body Bugg & Counting Calories…

Update: Just found out the sale [free digital readout with armband purchase] ends Wednesday [9/30/09]. Fyi…  =)

This has been a pretty fluid and interesting journey so far… things seem to be happening at a decent progression. I’m figuring things out, getting stronger and smarter about health and fitness with each passing month. I’m at the point fitness-wise where I feel confident trying new sports like kayaking [just have to make the time!], but I haven’t lost any weight in the past few months. I finally had to accept the fact that it was time to track calories burned vs. calories consumed. I watch Biggest Loser and have always found inspiration in the show, but they tend to be vague on the specifics of the program they have the contestants on – until this year. I know they use the Body Bugg to track calories burned, and I now know they put them on a 1.200 calorie a day diet. What I didn’t know until last week was that they expect the women to burn 6,000 calories a day, and the men, 8,000. That is CRAZY!!! I suppose if you didn’t have to work and had all day, it’s easily doable, but not for people with full time jobs, houses, families, responsibilities, etc. But it was good to know. There’s no magic behind their incredible weekly losses – they literally work their asses off!

So… I found a coupon and 24 hour fitness was running a special – buy the Body Bugg, get the digital display for free [here a link to the product page if you’re interested], so I went ahead and ordered it – with apprehension. I’ve never counted calories before and I was worried it would be $224 wasted. Not so at all! It’s incredibly easy to use and really informative. It told me  that in order to lose 2lbs per week to meet my weightloss goal by mid-May, I need to consume 1,850 calories a day and burn 2,850 calories a day. The first night I put the bugg on, it told me I burned 700 calories in my sleep alone! Pretty awesome. Weightlifting is paying off in that department. I absolutely LOVE the Body Bugg. Chalene Johnson, the creator of Turbo Jam and her ChaLEAN Extreme strength training program also fell in love with it and contacted 24hr fitness to be able to offer a coupon special for her followers: bbgcj24

Counting calories is time consuming when you make most of your food from scratch, but I think as long as I measure and write it all down with calculations made, it’ll be a lot easier to make the same dish the next time without taking so much time to figure out all the calories, etc. I made a great minestrone-style soup the other night that turned out to be only 165 calories for a 300g serving [a pretty decent sized bowlful] so I added in a tbsp of parmasan cheese for another 20 calories and it was amazingly delicious and satisfying. It’s definitely been a huge eye-opener the past few days, seeing what has how many calories. I was blown away by how many calories nuts have. I had made a trail mix and I was eating it in 1/2 cup servings – turns out it’s 355 calories, which can throw me off if I’m not careful. 

It’s too soon to report any real weightloss, but I will as I go along. I did lose 2lbs from yesterday, but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s that time of the month so I think it was just bloat going away… I’ll be interested to see where I’m at in a week, in a month and in a few months, to see if I can turn this program into steady, healthy fat loss. I decided that as a reward for making my goal by May [just in time for 2 weddings, which means SHOPPING for some sexy party dresses], I’m treating myself to a trip and some shopping in London. I’ve always wanted to go, since I was a kid, so it’s been a long time coming – and celebrating an achievement this momentous in London with my husband is the perfect ‘reward.’  =)

WHEN I reach my goal in May, it will have been about 2 1/2 years since I decided it was time to do something about my health. If you had told me at the time that it would take that long I would have been disappointed. One thing I’ve learned through this whole process is good things are worth working for. And I have no doubt I’ll get there. In the meantime, I can’t wait until I can do 10 full pushups – not having to go to my knees after 5. It’s the smaller goals inbetween the big ones that keep me motivated.  =)

This is my menu for today. I’m going to put it in this post as an example, but also for my own reference:

• Protein shake [made into 2 meals, before and after workout]: 375
• 2 eggs over easy, 1 tsp oil, 1 slice whole grain bread: 350
• 1/2 cup 2% Greek yogurt with agave, vanilla, lemon zest and 1 cup berries: 170
• Homemade minestrone soup with 1 Tbsp parmesan: 185
• Veggie sticks [carrot, celery, cuke & red pepper] with 1/4 C hommus: 160
• 4oz Roasted chicken breast, 1/4 C [dry – not sure what that’ll end up being cooked…?] Brown Rice
& 3 oz garlic sauteed asparagus [including oil]: 360
• 8oz black seedless grapes & 1 light mini baby bell cheese: 195
—————-
Total calories: 1,795

[Image courtesy of 24hourfitness.com]

Thoughts: 9.1.09

I just got back from visiting my mother in Florida. She lost 25lbs and that was my bargain – for every 25lbs she lost, I’d go visit again. I’ve been there 3 times in the past year, which is a record. She’s doing well considering she had a stroke in March. Since then she’s completely changed her diet. Now, she eats fairly healthy, but in my opinion, she doesn’t eat enough – and definitely not enough protein. But I think the stroke and the subsequent Diabetes diagnosis has actually given her a fear of eating. Being around her just made me realize yet again why it’s so important I take care of myself now and forever and not get complacent about diet and exercise. But here I sit at 8:28pm trying to conjure up the motivation to go workout [since I wasn’t able to this morning]. I guess I just really don’t like working out in the evenings. I much prefer mornings. I know once I go upstairs and start my warmup, I’ll be energized and I’ll have a great workout, and feel like a million bucks afterward. I’m even sitting in my workout gear. I’m thinking the disruption in my routine the past several weeks isn’t helping between travelling and my husband working crazy hours – he gets home late, we eat late, we stop watching TV late and get to bed WAY too late… part of me wants to be ‘selfish’ by eating at a normal hour, watching TV on my own and going to bed at a reasonable hour – about the time he gets home, but the other part of me wants to be selfish and stay up and spend time with him because I miss him. Hence why I’m conflicted about every little thing lately. Someone moved my cheese… 

I’m also trying to stay away from wheat products because while I was in Florida for 5 days I didn’t eat any wheat and my tummy flattened out nicely – I forget how badly wheat [gluten] makes me bloated. But without wheat, it limits my quick meals – I love making wraps with whole grain, omega-3 infused lavash, stuffing them with veggies and lean protein to take on the go. I also love using half a wrap, lining it with all-natural peanut butter and rolling it up around half a banana as a quick on-the-go breakfast. I adore pasta – whole grain – tossed with plenty of veggies and – you guessed it – lean protein. Without those quick meal options I have to be more creative. What’s sad is, I have plenty of fruit and veggies around, and plenty of protein in the freezer – I just never remember to take anything out in time to make a fast meal. Lame, I know. I really need to get back to meal planning on Sundays so I know what to take out when during the week – take the guesswork out of it. 

Anyway, I’ve only lost a few more pounds so I’m up to 33lbs lost. I set a goal last night – I want to lose another 25lbs by January 1st, and the LAST [I hope] 25lbs by May 21st – because we have 2 weddings to go to in the Spring – the first of which is on May 21st, the second one is a week after in Chicago, where we’ll see my husband’s relatives for the first time in almost 3 years. It would be fun to knock there socks off and say I’ve lost 80lbs since they’ve seen me. lol… Oh – I said ‘I hope’ to the last 25lbs because of the whole ‘I don’t know what my ideal weight is’ thing. Some days I think I’d be perfectly happy at 175 and other days I want to go for 150 – which I haven’t weighed since I was 14, so I’m not sure that’s realistic [I really am an athletic build – I’m not petite]. I figure I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it, see how I look and feel at 175 and decide then if I feel like moving on or maintaining from there. 

I’m definitely procrastinating. But I’m also picturing myself working out, which is helping me feel the need to cut this post short and get off my butt! Seeing a Cirque Du Soleil show on Sunday also is HUGE motivation to exercise, too. I think there will always be a part of me that wishes I could be one of the performers in those shows. I especially love the contortionists… Maybe it’s time to dig out some of those DVDs to keep around and watch from time to time as a reminder. 

Image courtesy of About.com:Montreal

Inspiration? =)

I went out with a friend last week. She just had a baby girl in April and has decided she’s ready to start working out and eating healthier. She was somewhat overweight before she got pregnant, and she said she really felt how out of shape she was through her pregnancy and wanted to make sure she never felt that way again – pregnant or otherwise! Her husband paid for a personal trainer 2x/week for 6 weeks to help her get started and she told me when we were at dinner, that I was a big part of her inspiration! Nobody has EVER told me I was their inspiration  – at least not for fitness. I still have a ways to go myself, but I’ve also come a long way in how I look and feel and apparently it’s more obvious than I had thought. I’ve lost 32 lbs and 2 dress sizes since January, and I have another 48 lbs to go and maybe 2 or 3 more dress sizes [I’m a 14/16 now, I’d like to get to a 10/12] to reach my goal – and if I need to lose more, sobeit, but gotta start somewhere! lol… 

One surprising thing about being told you’re someone’s inspiration is it turned out to be the ultimate motivation to keep going and start being more vigilant about eating healthy. I’m not a die-hard dieter anymore. I eat healthy 80% of the time, but I do still have bad habits that need breaking – like eating in front of the TV, craving not-so-good for me snacks while watching TV after dinner. I know if I could just kick that habit and get MORE sleep [the never ending battle for me], the pounds would start flying off instead of crawling. Each week I learn more, find new tricks and get better organized. It’s definitely been a journey and now I’m excited to share all the things I’ve learned with a dear friend who has similar goals, which is really satisfying. 

I’m a graphic designer by trade and I’m good at what I do, but lately I’ve been feeling unchallenged and unsatisfied with it. I could totally see myself switching gears and getting certified to be a personal trainer. I’m not there yet, and it might be something I tackle after having kids, but I definitely have the confidence to do it. And I think having that ‘before’ picture to show my someday clients will only help motivate them more, knowing their trainer has ‘been there’ and ‘done that’ and knows what they’re going through. The idea of helping people transform their health and their lives for the better gets me excited [I originally wanted to be a doctor, but couldn’t afford the schooling]. It’s like what Mike Myers’ ‘Middle Aged Man’ used to say when asked ‘why he does it’: “I want to share my knowledge!” lol… 

I spent 6 hours yesterday going through all the boxes in the basement, dumping old stuff, moving furniture, heavy boxes and then walking it all up our bulkhead stairs [short and very steap] with my husband, and then single-handedly packing a 12’x8’x4′ dumpster – using my ‘mad layout skillz’ to utilize EVERY SQUARE INCH of space. My husband was astounded that I was able to fit EVERYTHING we wanted to get rid of in there [we had a lot of old stuff that we just don’t use, including furniture and then all the crap the previous own was nice enough to leave for us like old, broken air conditioners, cinder blocks, old broken cast-iron water pumps, a giant water tank, etc.]. When the dumpster was delivered yesterday morning he was convinced we’d need to get a 2nd one after they hauled the first one away. Needless to say he’s very happy we can save the $300+ AND we got it all done in a day instead of a whole weekend. It was tough, and by the end of the day I was so tired, sore and RAVENOUS, but I was also giddy. Giddy from getting it all done, from feeling how powerful I felt for doing so much heavy labor for so long without injury, for packing that dumpster so tightly my dad would have been proud… I even used space inside an old microwave, inside an old dresser and all the drawers, filing cabinet drawers. Everything fit perfectly. And now it’s gone, along with all the baggage of having so much crap lingering in the basement. 

I’m a little banged up and bruised, but I’m hardly sore at all, which is shocking to me. I’m amazed at how fast and far my body has come in just 4-5 months of switching to lifting heavy weights 3x/week [vs lighter weights and more reps, which I always hated doing]. Working my core 2-3 x/week has also made a huge difference… but the best part about yesterday is, now we have so much more space open in the basement… that now it’s time to kick up the exercise routine another notch by getting a treadmill for uphill power walking and sprint work, as well as being able to jump around without shaking the house [like I would if I tried doing plyometrics in my little upstairs yoga room]. And I’ve always wanted a heavy bag – to beat the bag out of after a 2 hour commute home like I had on Friday. 

I found myself day dreaming last night about all the sports I’ve wanted to try – or go back to doing – but never felt I could because I was so overweight and out of shape. Things I used to tell myself I’d only do or try WHEN I lost ALL the weight. Now I realize that’s dumb. I’m in the best shape of my life right now and it’s only going to get better and easier as I lose the rest of the weight. There’s no reason to wait forever. I want to go kayaking this summer. I have a friend who has 2 kayaks and lives on a little Island on the North Shore, so I’m going to take her up on her offer to go with her sometime soon before the summer is over! I also think I’d LOVE rock-climbing. I’ll have to find a place that has a decent indoor wall to start with, but once I’m confident, I think I’d love to do the real thing outside even more. I already love hiking and now that I have the lower body power to do it at a much faster pace, I’m going to add sprints on the not so rocky parts of the trails. 

I never thought of myself as the ‘outdoorsy type’ but now I know that we’re all inherently ‘outdoorsy’, we just stop enjoying the outdoors and being active when life gets too busy and we get too tired… and we forget how great it can be!  =)  I also thought that feeling tired and old came with age and there was nothing you can do about it – boy am I GLAD I was so wrong about that! I feel younger and stronger now than I did at 18! Muscle is a miracle, especially combined with clean, whole fuel. I used to think it was hard and complicated to get healthy. It’s not. It requires a little work and planning but the rewards are so worth it!

Attitude Shift

I realized today that my attitude toward food has changed dramatically over the past few months. I no longer think about what I can and can’t have. It’s not about that anymore. It’s about what I want and don’t want in my body. I’ve been training harder the past few months using the ‘ChaLEAN Extreme’ program from Chalene Johnson [via beachbody.com], which emphasizes heavy weight strength training and intense interval cardio drills and resistance intervals, and I’ve noticed such a dramatic difference in how I feel, physically… so the thought of putting garbage into my new found ‘Lamborghini’ is almost unthinkable. I say ‘almost’ because here and there I let myself indulge – but I’ve gotten much better at having a taste of something vs. a whole slice of whatever. And it’s fewer and farther between than it used to be. I focus on what I love to eat, that’s healthy, clean and delicious. I’m having fun with making up new recipes that are fast and easy. I find myself ordering salads in restaurants far more often. 

My magazine subscriptions have changed, too. I used to subscribe to ‘girlie’ fashion staples like Cosmo, InStyle, Glamour, etc… but now I get mags like Oxygen, EatingWell, Clean-Eating, and Bon Appetit. They’re full of ideas and inspiration for eating and living well. Seeing the gorgeous physiques of the women in Oxygen is very motivational, too. I used to see bodies like that and think,’I’ll never look like that.” Well… now I know I will. I’m well on my way. To date, I’ve lost 30 lbs. and I’m starting to see muscles in my arms I haven’t seen in a long time. I still have a ways to go, but I’ve put 1/3 of it behind me now. I relaxed for a few weeks once I hit the 30 lb-gone mark, but used the holiday last week to refocus and recommit. I’m onto ‘the next 30’ now. 

I still don’t know where my weight will end up. I have nothing to go on. My weight ranged from 150 to 170 in highschool, and I was never bigger than a size 10 [I’m 5’7″]. I know I already look great at 180, but maybe I’ll trim down to 150 – who knows. The best part is – I don’t care. The scale has no power over me anymore. It’s just a unit of measurement – as well as my waist – which is down 8″ since the start of my journey last year.

I have friends who are overweight – a few of them obese. I used to eat the way they did and tell myself the things they do – the whole, “I’ll start dieting on Monday… today I’m going to eat whatever I want.” [and then never starting or stopping a few days after]… or “I just look at a piece of cake and I gain 10 lbs – life isn’t fair” while munching on a huge piece of cake after a fattening 3 course-meal. I know they’re in denial, but it’s not up to me to point it out. I’m here if they decide they’ve had enough and want to make a change. I’m more than happy to share what I’ve learned so far, but I’m on my own journey. It’s definitely an eye-opener when I see them eating and hear them rationalizing it or making excuses. I used to do that same. It makes me sad for them and for how I was myself for 20+ years, but it’s also motivational to know that I’m not like that anymore.

I’ve also learned that setting date-oriented weightloss goals is pointless and now that I”m not in a hurry it just seems that much easier. My husband and I have our 7th wedding anniversary coming up in September and we’re thinking of going back to Bermuda. Old me would have thought, “Okay… I have 16 weeks until we leave, so if I can lose 3lbs per week, that’s 48lbs… but I can probalby do 50 lbs, and then I’ll be a size ‘x’ and… then I’ll finally enjoy a vacation and not feel self-conscious in my bathing suit.” I think about that now and think how stupid that sounds. Even though I have a long way to go, I already feel so much better about myself and so much more confident – and have so much more respect and love for what my body can do – that I can’t imagine feeling ashamed anymore. I can squat 70lbs for crying out loud – that is AWESOME! lol… so what if I’m not a 90 lb weakling with knobby knees and a prematurely wrinkled face from lack of nutrition and calories and a premature hunch from having no muscle for proper posture. It still baffles me that people find that attractive.

I don’t have any regrets – because of my ongoing struggle with my weight since the age of 10 I’ve learned so much about the human body – that I feel like I’m well prepared to do what I can to have the healthiest, happiest life possible… but that being said, sometimes I wish I could have figured it all out sooner. Better late than never, right? If I had better role models growing up I wouldn’t be writing this right now. All I can do is make sure I’m the better role model when WE have kids so they never have to go through all that emotional turmoil and self-hatred.

Breaking the cycle… one day at a time.

Thoughts: 2.27.09

Technically it’s the 28th now, but I haven’t gone to bed yet. So until I do, it’s still my birthday. lol… I turned 35 today. It feels strange. Last year, when I turned 34 I felt older than 34. I convinced myself it was because I was ‘wise beyond my years.’ Now I realize it was because I felt older physically. I was tired, stressed, and my diet was atrocious. I started working out around this time last year and I’m still keeping it up. I can’t imagine life without exercise. I’ve upped my workouts by adding heavier weight-lifting 2-3 days a week, and amped up my cardio workouts by doing drills and intervals, along with kickboxing. So, turning 35 this year is weird, because I realized that I feel more like 28…

I still have a lot of work to do. I’m working on my diet – an on-going struggle as I am a world-class ‘foodie.’ I LOVE cooking, and love EATING. lol… I don’t eat nearly as badly as I used to, but I still have my vices. I, like many, am a chocoholic. I’ve switched to dark chocolate, which has helped – it’s less sweet, so I don’t need as much. But I’m coming close to giving it up entirely… sugar is sugar and once I have some I just want MORE.

I’ve swapped out drinking cow’s milk for Almond Milk, and surprisingly, I don’t miss milk. I use almond milk to make chai-style teas [sugar free] and hot cocoa sweetened with a little agave nectar instead of sugar. I also use it in my morning protein smoothies, that are a variation of my ‘infamous mud’ – it actually looks like mud now… it’s usually a greenish-reddish-grey color. It looks disgusting. Luckily it tastes really good. I’ve figured out the perfect balance of liquid nutrients, fruit, almond milk, cranberry juice, flax meal and protein powder. It’s delicious, satisfying and it only takes a couple of minutes to whip up. I’m also snacking more on just plain fruit. Not fruit with cheese or nut butters.

Lately, I’ve realized that when I have a snack and I’m still not satisfied, tea usually does the trick – or chewing some minty gum. I’m finally realizing that when I stress eat, I’m not hungry and I don’t necessarily need food. I just need to chew on something… I do plan on stocking back up on seeds – I love pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds – both high in zinc and fibre, so very healthy. And I’m having fun coming up with different hommus-style bean dips using different kinds of beans and flavorings – always filling and delicious with some raw veggies. I’m also going to attempt to make crackers from scratch without using any wheat… I’ll try it with millet, my new favorite grain, and whole flax seeds, along with plenty of flavors from garlic and spices, sesame seeds, etc. 

I’m happy to say, that after trying to like greens over and over – and failing miserably, I’ve finally figured out how to prepare them so that I do like them – kale, collards, chard… Lemon and garlic, steamed in the micro for kale and chard, julienned and tossed into salads or soups for collards. I eat them almost every day now. Mission accomplished! lol…

Now I’m trying to figure out what to do with nori – how to turn it into some kind of crunchy snack… I use kombu in soup several times a week now, and I’m just starting to incorporate wakame into stirfrys. I have to say, I’ve gotten a lot of inspiration lately between Clean-Eating Magazine and You Are What You Eat – a British reality show on BBC America about Gillian McKeith – a holistic nutritionist who overhauls people’s diets putting them on a strict, natural detox plan full of fruits, veggies, fish, pulses, seeds, nuts, eggs, and ‘white meats’… she’s pretty creative with her menus – and she’s absolutely BRUTAL on the people in the show. She’s about ‘tough love’ and the guy that narrates it is hilarious. I don’t know if the show would fly as-is in America if they were to do a US version… it’s so NOT PC… but it’s refreshing to hear her tell people like it is. My husband hates the show for one reason – McKeith alway examines peoples “poo” to assess how their insides are doing. I have no problem with this – I used to scoop poop for a living [mucking stalls on a horse farm]… It’s just another layer of “shock treament’ for these people who are so overweight and unhealthy and need a drastic change before they end up in a box.

Anyway… today was a great day. I slept in… got an 80 minute massage [which hurt like hell, but I felt like a million bucks afterward], relaxed at home and then my hubby took me out to dinner at our favorite restaurant – a little French Bistro, where the food is so fresh and cooked to perfection. Plenty of fresh veggies with the main course. And I did get a dessert [it is, afterall, my birthday!], but only had a couple of bites before boxing it up. Such a great day… I dont’ want it to end, but I really should get to bed!

=D

Calories Burned Calculator

I’m turning into an iPhone fanatic. I’m using my phone for everything – I keep track of my financial accounts on it, I track my weight, how much water I drink, I have a food nutritional information application that I can look up items on, a daily food journal/calorie budget application… and on and on. I’m only just starting the food journal app, and in it you can add your own excercises and calories burned per time period – so I needed to figure out approximate how many calories I’m burning doing the various workouts I do. Well, I found this great site with a ‘Calories Burned Calculator‘ based on your height and weight with several exercises listed that you can enter number of minutes performed to get the calories burned. Check it out here:

Calories Burned Calculator

I was pleasantly surprised to see that when I do vigorous weight training, I burn about 400-500 calories in 35 minutes. Woo-hoo! I still do ‘Turbo Jam’ and it’s not listed, but I used ‘Judo-Martial arts’ instead since there’s a lot of boxing and kicking, etc. in the TJ workout. This way I have decent approximate calories burned to add into my daily journal – which calculates how many calories I need to lose 2 lbs/wk based on my height and weight. It’s a decent guideline. I’ve never counted calories before, which could explain why I eat too much. lol… I have no concept of how many calories are in most of the food I consume. 

As for my status, I lost 4 lbs last month and am determined to do better this month. I went back and reviewed some info from Ann Louise Gittleman’s Fat Flush plan… and I’m wondering if my weightloss has slowed due to eating more low-fat dairy. I’m going to cut down for a week and see how it goes. 

I also tried something new: Almond Milk, to replace cow’s milk in my smoothies and in my new favorite comfort – ‘Clean’ hot chocolate. I’ve made 2 variations now, and I love both and don’t find that I miss all the fat in them. So after looking around online to see if I could find almond milk in bulk so it’s less expensive, it seems making it from scratch is pretty easy, so that’ll be my next thing. All it takes is 1 cup of raw almonds, skins on, soaked 8-12 hours in clean filtered or spring water. Then you drain them, and blend the soaked almonds in 4 cups of clean water. You can add flavor if you want – 2 tsp vanilla extract [alcohol free if you want o keep it truly ‘raw’ – I honestly don’t care… I’m not on a raw food or vegan diet], or 1/2 a vanila bean pod, honey or agave syrup to sweeten, natural unsweetened cocoa powder, etc. and whiz it up in the blender together. The last step is straining it through a fine mesh of some sort like cheese cloth. You could also use a coffee filter or paper towels, sprout bag or nut bag… if the liquid your’e left with isn’t 100% smooth, put it back in the blender and blend until smooth. What I’m not sure of is how long it lasts before it goes bad. 

I’m going ot cut down on caffeine – I drink organic coffee 3 days a week when I’m in the office, black, which is fine, but I tend to drink tea all day long when it’s cold out and caffeine taxes the liver and can slow down fat burning… So instead I’m going to switch to hot lemon water, which I love. An added bonus – it keeps your teeth whiter, and cleanses the liver, primes the digestive system so it’s more efficient and it’s hot, which is what I want in winter!

Something I’m excited to try later today is julienning some kale and using it like I would pasta for some shrimp scampi – sautéing it in garlic and olive oil and tossing it with shrimp and lemon juice. If it turns out well, getting my greens will be a lot easier. 

Cheers to good health… 

Calories Burned Calculator courtesy of healthstatus.com

One Thing At A Time

Somehow, I managed to NOT get sucked in by the TV last night. I got ready for bed before 10pm and allowed myself to read for a while until I was ready to go to sleep, which was around 10:45. Not 1:00 or 2:00… It wasn’t so bad. lol… I keep bitching about wanting to eat better and lose weight, but I’ve been reading more about the body and all the different hormones, chemicals, neurotransmitters, etc., that are involved in everything we do and feel and it became obvious that if I don’t correct my sleep cycle and start getting proper rest, that making healthy food choices will always be a battle. 

So, first order of business – 7 – 8 hours of sleep per night. 

I’ve also been reading about how having a proper wake-up routine can set the tone for the day, and that the first thing one should do is flood the ocular nerves with very bright light – sunlight is best, but if it’s winter in New England and you wake up at 6am, there isn’t any to be had. Luckily my bathroom lights are like the devil, they’re so bright… and I just turned on every other light on my way to the dining room, where I am now, drinking some water and allowing myself to ‘dawdle’ for a few minutes before launching into my workout. Apparently, flooding your eyes with light sets a whole string of things in motion in the brain to boost energy levels. If you start off in dim light, you won’t get this vital flood of energy and it will set the tone for your energy level for the rest of the day.

Okay – so bright light ASAP – CHECK. 

Allowing myself to dawdle for a few minutes as my brain and body wake up – CHECK.

Physical activity within 30 minutes of waking – CHECK

The last item on the list of a proper wake-up is eating breakfast. Luckily, that’s one thing that I’m good at. Ever since I was little, I’ve woken up FAMISHED and have to eat. I can’t skip breakfast. The few times I’ve tried, or did out of time constraints [aka – waking up late], I’ve felt horrible and was a lot hungrier the rest of the day… so no problem. Breakfast before I leave for work: CHECK.

I recently got into a cleaning routine – the first time since my adult life, and I actually enjoy it. My husband is psyched – only took 14 years. lol… I’d clean when I felt I had to [like when a dust bunny was staring me down or if people were coming over], but I never had a routine. So having one on Saturdays and cleaning the whole house is a big deal for me. It’s a habit now after doing it 4 or 5 weeks in a row. I look forward to it and I’ve been enjoying a much cleaner, tidier house. I’m realizing that making changes aren’t so bad as long as I don’t try to make too many at once. Now that I have the cleaning thing down, it’s time to get the sleep thing taken care of. When going to bed by 10:00 becomes a habit I can’t live without… THEN I’ll start focusing more on food, portion sizes, eating slower, chewing better, choosing healthier foods, etc.

One thing at a time.  =)

Thoughts: 11.16.08

Wow – I can’t believe it’s been a month since my last post. This is my busiest time of year for work, so I just haven’t had the time to write as much. And, I’m sorry to say, I haven’t been very good about eating healthy since coming back from Bermuda in September. I haven’t been doing horrible, but I could be doing much better. I’m realizing that I do have a pretty big emotional eating habit that I need to address so I can change those habits. For me, food is almost like smoking. It’s become routine. I’ve been eating at designated times, even when I’m not necessarily hungry. Or letting myself go hungry when the urge to eat hits when it’s not convenient, or too late at night to bother making something. 

I haven’t let up on exercising, though. In fact, I’ve ramped it up, doing all Turbo Jam workouts lately and feeling so much stronger all over. I’m really loving the DVDs. The workouts are fun, but tough, which is fine. I enjoy the challenge. I’m loving the kickboxing/martial arts/dance aspects of it. It’s an aggressive workout which satisfies my inner rage. lol… And I’m continually amazed at how much stronger my core is from doing these workouts. I’m tempted to buy the next set of DVDs so I have even more variety. 

So… I tried keeping a food journal and gave up after a day. I’m too busy to remember to take it out and write stuff down. How sad is that? I’ve also realized that I crave crunchy, salty stuff more this time of year – probably due to stress – and things like Goldfish actually make me physically ill. I don’t know what they put in them to cause such a severe reaction in my GI, but it’s bad enough that I don’t touch the stuff anymore… I have discovered the joys of Agave Nectar as sweetener that doesn’t spike my blood sugar because it’s sugar is fructose, which, like fructose found in fruits, needs to be processed by the liver before it can enter the blood stream. I’m going to experiment with making some roasted nut mixes using it and all the yummy spices I love that go along with apple pie – cinnamon, nutmeg and clove. I’ve stopped stacking on nuts lately because I get bored with them pretty quickly. But making some lightly sweetened roasted and spiced mixes should make them more interesting. 

I’m still watching Biggest Loser and wishing I had the discipline to eat like a lab rat and workout 6 hours a day so I could lose 10lbs a week. But I know I’d be miserable and it’s really just not possible without abandoning real life. It still does remind me that it’s possible to lose the weight, though, if those whiny bitches can. lol… This year’s cast is the most annoying bunch of losers [not all but many]. So I find myself hoping they get kicked off and not caring about their progress as much. lol… 

Anyway… I’m going to try and write more often and start having fun with recipes again. The fight is never over. As long as I get back on the horse, I’m happy with that. Today’s a new day.  =)