Things have been a bit topsy-turvy lately. I don’t even remember the last time I wrote, but life has calmed down a bit. Mostly due to me being laid off last month. Didn’t see it coming – our company was doing well, sales continued to go up despite the economy, but our parent company decided that they could handle our marketing themselves and save themselves the overhead – laying off all 4 of us. 5 out of 9 left in our company. 10 years ago when I started there were almost 400 people, so it’s been like a decade long episode of ‘survivor’ and we thought we were finally ‘safe’ for a while with things going well. Nope.
So, after getting over the initial shock of it, I realized it was time anyway – I’d been there for so long that I wasn’t challenged, my commute was insane [150 miles round trip 3x/wk] and I knew I wasn’t paid what I was worth. I got complacent because there was no stress – I knew my job inside and out. I loved my coworkers – we had a very tight crew, like family. So quality of life was great, but job satisfaction was low… So this whole thing is a nice opportunity to move on. I’ve been going full tilt getting my resume out there, meeting with recruiters, and I’ve had a few interviews. The first one went so well they wanted to hire me on the spot, but they got news of a merger that put all new hires on hold 2 days before they wanted me to start. The next one – which I had last week – went well despite me forgetting my portfolio at home [as a designer, that was pretty stupid…]. I was the only one they called to come in and the interview ended with them telling me they thought I’d fit in perfectly – because I’m capable of being a one-woman art department – it’s what I’ve done the past 12 years. So, we’ll see what happens with that – I’ll know end of next week if they’re going to extend an offer, but in the meantime the hunt continues…
My brother had a stroke a few months back [at 34!] due to him going off all his meds for diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. He not only had a stroke, but had bleeding in the eyes that required both laser and chemical surgery to stop, and now he’s going in for a sort of bypass surgery to replace the arteries in both legs to get circulation going again to prevent amputation. And yet he’s still drinking regular soda and eating donuts. He didn’t see the stroke as a wakeup call like we’d all hoped – to him it just confirmed what he already believed – that his life sucks, that it’s worse than anyone else’s and he has the right to sit on his ass and feel sorry for himself. When I asked him about the soda thing, he became enraged and told me to shut up, and that he ‘wasn’t in the mood’ for me questioning him. So I hung up. I felt like I was talking to a dead man. I’ve learned over the years that you can’t help those who don’t want it – or think they don’t have a problem in the first place, no matter how obvious.
What his experience only reaffirmed for me was that sugar equals death to people in my family. We’re all prone to diabetes – it runs on both sides of my family. So, once again I stopped eating things with refined sugar it them, sticking to fruit and natural sweetners like agave, honey and maple syrup – but only sparingly. And, no surprised my weight loss has started up again with a vengeance. I started this journey at 255 lbs – the highest weight I saw on a scale. It could have been higher because I didn’t weigh myself for years, living in denial, believing I was ‘doomed’ to be like my mother [she was obese my whole life and still is]. I’m now at 197 lbs. I workout on average 6 days a week, doing cardio, boxing and weight lifting, hiking and trail running. I feel like I’m in better shape than when I was 18 [I’m 36], and I feel like the sky’s the limit.
Not eating sugar has made me realize this time around that my appetite has been cut in half. When I’m hungry, it’s not painful and panic-enducing like it used to be [do to very low blood sugar after crashing from a spike], and I don’t crave junk anymore. It’s literally EASY losing weight when you take out those factors from daily life. I eat so much less, but it’s all nutrient-packed food, so I always have plenty of energy. I sleep like a rock and my skin has cleared up after years battling adult acne. I started at a size 20 and now I’m a size 12. I’m hoping to get to an 8 and I still don’t know what my end weight will be – I’m taking it a little at a time. It could be 148, it could be 168. I don’t care anymore. I use the scale as a tool of measurement along with taking actual measurements and buying smaller clothes and fitting into them.
During the stress of the family issues and the work issues, I never stopped exercising but I did indulge in comfort foods a lot more, stalling my weightloss for a while, even putting a few lbs back on. There were also 2 weddings and a trip to Chicago in there as well and plenty of unknown to fear, but overall, I was able to handle it all much better than in the past. It didn’t derail my efforts, it just slowed them down. But I’m back on track, steaming toward my goals. I read a great quote from Winston Churchill when I first found out about the layoff, “Optimists see opportunity in difficulty, pessimists see difficulty in opportunity.” It struck a chord with me. Attitude really is everything. Life will knock you down here and there – it’s inevitable. What you do after that is completely up to you. You can sit on your ass, paralyzed and let more of your life pass you by, or you can get right back up, look life in the eyes and say, “bring it on.”
I’ve also learned that no matter how alone you feel, you’re never alone – it’s just up to YOU to reach out to people. In the end, true friends and loving family WANT to be there for you and want to help – even if it’s just to be your cheerleader in email. If friends & family aren’t there, get online. I’ve found twitter to be an amazing support system. Find people with similar interests, get to know them and put your issues out there and just watch all the encouragement and prayers come your way. It’s ironic that something seemingly so impersonal would renew my faith in the human condition… ;)
Three weeks ago from yesterday I found out I had miscarried and life’s been a series of ups and downs since then – but I’m happy to say, that despite the circumstances – it’s been mostly UPs. This event has reinforced my belief that everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that could happen to me. And that attitude is everything. The news was shocking and sad and tough to deal with here and there, and I let myself grieve as I needed to, but there’s no rule saying you have to be devastated and miserable all the time.
I realized today that my attitude toward food has changed dramatically over the past few months. I no longer think about what I can and can’t have. It’s not about that anymore. It’s about what I want and don’t want in my body. I’ve been training harder the past few months using the ‘ChaLEAN Extreme’ program from Chalene Johnson [via beachbody.com], which emphasizes heavy weight strength training and intense interval cardio drills and resistance intervals, and I’ve noticed such a dramatic difference in how I feel, physically… so the thought of putting garbage into my new found ‘Lamborghini’ is almost unthinkable. I say ‘almost’ because here and there I let myself indulge – but I’ve gotten much better at having a taste of something vs. a whole slice of whatever. And it’s fewer and farther between than it used to be. I focus on what I love to eat, that’s healthy, clean and delicious. I’m having fun with making up new recipes that are fast and easy. I find myself ordering salads in restaurants far more often. 
Exercise[The]Demons 